#my mom did not find this funny | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

love-3-crimes · 4 months ago

Text

gave my dog a middle part n cant stop crying. look at this stinky crusty thing i lvoe her so much im cackling

#shes going to kill me in my sleep i fear #my mom did not find this funny #“deja a mi bebe stop bullying her 😡”

10 notes · View notes

thatblondeperson · 1 year ago

Text

My 20s had to go out with the most awkward bang ever, of course.

I texted a former coworker and friend of mine yesterday to see if I could pick up some hard drives of mine that he had, because I just kept forgetting to do so. Ended up setting up to do so tonight, so when we were both free, I messaged him, he gave me my address, and I plugged it into maps.

Well. First red flag was the building I ended up at not looking like the preview photo in maps. Figured, okay, they have a pic of a courtyard or something, not the street. Plus, no address on the street sign or anything, so I just went with it.

I see the building that says apartments 1-4, my friend is in 1, and I go up a staircase on the side, which starts taking me to the back patio of apt 4. Wrong way, already feeling awkward that i almost trespassed. Walk through a courtyard and I see apartments 1-3. Welcome mat doesn't look like something my friend would own, but the tiny 3D printed Cthulu sitting on the ring doorbell tells me I'm in the right place. I ring the doorbell, someone says "come in".

It did not sound like my friend, but I figure he has a roommate so I am not concerned. However, the second red flag should have been the fact the the entire apartment was dark when I walked inside, aside from the light upstairs.

I wait, thinking my friend may be upstairs playing a video game, or idk, putting a shirt on or something. I wait. Nothing happens.

I start feeling supremely awkward. Am I supposed to invite myself upstairs? That's weird and unnatural. I wait some more. I walk through the dark bottom floor because maybe my friend is outside on their back patio. I say hello very meekly but i cannot be heard over the sound of a dryer going.

I walk upstairs because now like 2-3 minutes have passed, though it feels like 20min. I am immediately met with 2 bedrooms and a bathroom. The bedroom is clearly occupied by someone watching TV, and though I cannot see them, I figure they're just watching TV. I KNOW I can't go in there. I panic and go back downstairs.

I'm panicking, I'm in full autism, awkward, pacing the floor and nervous ticking. I try to message my friend on discord but I have no internet. I pace, I wonder if I should leave. What do I do? I go upstairs again and I very meekly still, but slightly louder, call out hello while trying not to explode.

A like...6'3" muscle-y dude in just boxer briefs, covered in tats, walks out looking only mildly confused. I however, am a deer in headlights. Our conversation is exactly as follows:

Me: "oh, uh. Hm."

Dude: "who are you looking for?"

Me: "Ray?"

Dude: "I think you have the wrong apartment."

Me: "oh, I rang the doorbell and someone said come in."

Dude: "I thought it was maybe my mom, she's coming over tonight."

Me: "Ok, have a nice evening."

I fucking book it down the stairs and out of there, hyperventilating a bit as soon as I'm out in the frsh air. This man was not at all perturbed by my presence, a fucking stranger, on his stairs at 8:45PM. Although, I guess if I *was* robbing him, he could have easily overtaken me, so not really anything to fsar out of a panicked 5'5", 130lb girl, barely able to make eye contact.

My friend eventually helped me find his place which was on the sane street of course, but nowhere near where Google had taken me. I can only imagine though what his mother would have thought of she came in and saw some random girl pacing around her son's apartment, on the verge of nervous tears.

Anyway, here's to my 30s.

#personal #embarrassing #awkward encounters #embarassing story #funny story #my mom did not find this funny #she is just glad im safe

3 notes · View notes

winepresswrath · 6 months ago

Text

Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.

-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country

#I do think the root of what makes Lesmad so funny is that it is literally the one of two times Lestat has displayed good sense in love #both times his mother was standing right there telling him what to do so take from that what you will #but lestat does enjoy negative attention and fucking around to find out and needling powerful entities who are enamored with him #it takes so much for him to say yes you're hot. but still no #you are too good at fucking will my head and too willing to take liberties with my body i don't like this #though iirc part of it was having experienced Armand's mind whammy he didn't want to leave him in proximity to Gabrielle #once again mommy issues carry the day #anyway #press says iwtv #I have a post percolating in my heart about the reversal of Gabby telling Lestat she just wants to die knowing he's safe in Paris with his #boyfriend #explicitly severing their codependent you're my other half my twin me but a man thing #and Gabby telling him to leave Nicki with Armand and run #but it's actually half a post that amounts to a) this too is a perversion brought on by living past your own death and #b) actually though it's her being a good mom in both instances #like probably the two times she most clearly manages that are #leave this place and me and live your own best life without guilt or shame #and leave your boyfriend who has had a psychotic break and hates you now. do not involve yourself with the sewer creature who is violently #obsessed with you.#she packed up her kid and she left! also did some other things but we don't need to talk about that #cw: incest #interview with the vampire

44 notes · View notes

raiiny-bay · 9 months ago

Text

making something (maybe)

#(hopefully)#hi. i accidentally disappeared for a bit.#the burnout got to me ngl #haven't done a single creative thing all week #i did make it to the library though #my book for feb was i'm glad my mom died #i don't usually read nonfic but. i enjoyed it. i mean #as much as you can enjoy a book with that kind of subject matter #i read it in about a day. mostly in one sitting #i've gotten a head start on my march book & i'm genuinely almost regretting my pick #like. it's a compelling read & it's written in such a way that i want to know what happens but #it's fucking horrific. rarely do i need to put a book down & have a break but. i have done so several times w this book #i'm determined to finish it though. i need to know if there's like. a point to the horrors i'm experiencing or not #uhh i did also go dvd hunting #i found season 1 & season 2 of ATLA which were cool finds #i did find them at two different thrift stores which i thought was kinda funny #i'm probably gonna watch the new live action later but idk #n e way #rainyrambles

42 notes · View notes

aroaceleovaldez · 2 years ago

Text

new TSATS prediction based entirely off the interview from the UK Rick Riordan newsletter

#pjo #nico di angelo #riordanverse #tsats #the sun and the star #this isnt spoilers this is just a silly #i do find it funny whenever people say Nico is Catholic though cause we dont have any actual indication of that other than he's From Italy #he doesnt have catholic guilt he has internalized homophobia. those are different things #listen his mom was a clear-sighted mortal who had TWO children with the god of the underworld who also was implied to help raise said kids #nico ain't catholic. this boy has never been to CCD. < source: i went to CCD /neg #however im already taking TSATS as fanon so i will laugh if Nico is randomly confirmed catholic #now Will? Will i could see. Will raised catholic? yes. Nico raised catholic? no.#in my brain Nico was raised with like. his parents having mixers in their parlor room with Maria's socialite friends and misc chthonic gods #like. Nico's babysitter growing up was Menoites (herdsman of the cattle of the underworld) type situation #seriously though i can only think of 3 details that would vaguely imply Nico is raised catholic and that are:#one instance of him helping Percy pick out a christmas gift for Annabeth (though everything in that short story was ooc tbh)#(and also Nico didnt actually ever imply he specifically was celebrating christmas)#two: Percy describing the situation in Sword of Hades as ''spending christmas in the underworld'' (nico is just kind of there)#and thirdly again: Nico's just from Venice #like. did he go to a religious school growing up? possibly! doesnt mean he was that religion though just means his school was #and even then we actually dont know if he wasn't homeschooled before moving to america #in which case yeah figures the like 3 months he spent in Westover would teach him random outdated stuff #they needed to send him to a sketchy school cause the di angelos dont have any records and if their material is outdated #then that's less likely to mess with Bianca and Nico's wiped memories #but demographically speaking its entirely likely that the entire larger di Angelo family arent christian anyways #everybody with misc varied headcanons about the demographics of the di angelo family i give u a little kiss on the forehead #''but what about Nico learning the wrong version of that one myth'' see again: could have learned it at Westover #and also. tbh far more likely that it was a 1930s thing than a religious thing #cause if we're talking staunch catholocism i dont think they'd be teaching him much greek mythology at all #anyways this has been: im far too amused by the phrases 'that boy has never been to CCD' and ''Nico has Become Catholic'

190 notes · View notes

xxplastic-cubexx · 2 days ago

Note

Before I had Sunny, I had a rabbit... His official name was Eddy, but he went through many names in my friend group

The names were: Kirishima, Springtrap and lastly Springkiri

Some pictures of him and a funny pic of Sunny

(A sad thing from here on)

So Eddy sadly passed away on 16th May 2022 while I held him. I bawled my eyes out when I realized he passed and literally couldn't go to school the next day because I was grieving so much. He was my childhood pet. He was 12 years old! Also he decided to pass before my birthday (21st May). I miss him very much

Now let me tell you, in February, the year (2022), he decided to jump from my arm because he was not happy about him getting his nails trimmed and fell on his side! He broke his fucking leg and was too old for operation because he wouldn't handle the amnesia. His leg was fully healed in April. You know he ran around, had fun with his toy, and played as if he was young again... Just to pass in May.

Now, to cheer you up, Sunny has the SAME sleeping spots as Eddy did. She also has similar running habits and such things as Eddy did. Now I think here Eddy's ghost was like 'Let me teach you cat' when she arrived at home and I like that!

Sorry for the kind of sad ask :(

AWWW eddy has such a lovely pelt pattern 🥺 and no worries about this being a Sad Ask: it'd be even more sad if you werent willing to share memories of him- he was still a little darling in your life, so i'm happy to hear bout both the good and bad bout him! so sorry to hear he passed right before your birthday tho.. 😭 at the very least, im sure he passed knowing how loved he was- and still is :]

ANND that's so cute sunny sleeps in his old spot now 🥺

#snap chats #we can celebrate eddy even if he's gone that's what love is about !!!#if it's anything i lost my childhood dog- zakk- about two years ago in february #he was only really close with my mom so he waited for her to come home before going up to her room #didnt take long for us to hear her scream and find him dying in her arms #whats darkly funny is that he's never really liked me and bit me a lot #we were hanging out on the couch when he signaled he was trying to get down and yk. Hes Old so i went to pick him up #but the jackass BIT ME and now i got a scar on my hand #funny enough i was trying to get close to him and my mom while he was passing and he tried to bite me AGAIN He Did Not Like Me #maybe he was just trying to make sure he was with my mom til the end tho idk ... all i know is that i love telling the story bout my scar #its a small one but so was he so. fittin innit #in any case ! dont worry bout feelin bad or melancholy sharin the memory of your lovely: its important to keep them alive that way #even if theyre sad and the sort #to end this tag ramble on a lighter note. sunny sit PROPER young lady im CRYING why she sit like that ... i love when cats cant sit normal.

10 notes · View notes

dragonnnfly · 2 years ago

Text

Tuffnut: *Takes one apple*

Tuffnut: *looks intently at apple*

Tuffnut: *takes one more apple*

Tuffnut: *puts down one apple*

Tuffnut: *takes the entire crate of apples*

Tuffnut: Okay?

Hiccup, sighing: Okay

152 notes · View notes

dreamieparadise · 5 months ago

Note

Can- can I ask about the Somali pirates?

Hi hi, Lili! Yes, of course. Tbh I shouldn't have called them "pirates" they are known as such and treated like villains, but they're more like unofficial naval guard! The official naval guard was disbanded in the 90's due to the civil war that broke out [btw this civil war is why I'm diaspora! My maternal family fled to Djibouti or elsewhere. My dad came to Canada due to it.] Anyway! Other nations took advantage of this as they tended to do and started fishing illegally in the waters! Somali citizens rely on fishing to live [also farming and agriculture bc I also recall there was a drought and famine going on] so they turned to "piracy" to stop these thieves from stealing from them! Of course, these outsiders didn't like it and called it "piracy." they shouldn't be there in the first place!!!

BFJRKRKRKR I TALKED IM THE TAGS AND REACHED THE LIMIT I AM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO

Other than Puntland there is also Jubbaland ok lol I love talking about my people's history too much

#momo's fantastical replies #so anyway I saw other Somali ppl calling them the naval guard and jumped on it #but I have always gotten heated when ppl treated Somali Pirates like villains #but iirc even South Park defended them? lol they even got ppl speaking Somali in it!#talking about how they did this for survival!#lili #lixenn #also yeah sure they fuck ppl up but I consider this a 'fuck around and find out'#stop taking advantage of poor countries!!! especially when they are due to outside meddling forces!!#random but somalia makes me so sad bc of how destablized it is #somaliland is a lot more peaceful and has been but recently its gotten more dangerous due to #Somalia's destablization #djibouti seems fine as ever tho lol happy for them but wish somalia would fuck off already [with somaliland]#lili if you are wondering djibouti/somalia/somaliland and parts of kenya and ethiopoa #ethiopia* are all where Somali ppl are from #the parts of K and E were stolen while Somali ppl were getting colonized [so fuck Kenya and Ethiopia too tbh! who does that?]#but all 5 places are why Somalia's flag is a 5 point star! this siginifies we are all one #its funny bc Somaliland was a country before Somalia but then joined Somalia bc of false promises Somalia made #anyway the false promises was unity but the president/dictator named Mohamed Siad Barre #was all 'we should all band together...and kill Isaaq tribe! true unity after for real though'#and then Darood and I a few other major tribes tried that #Isaaq survived but there was in fact a genocide #they fled to what is Somaliland today! apparently they keep the bullet holes in the structure to remember what Darood/Somalia did #bc to these day these bitches deny it #diaspora somali ppl from somalia are especially insistend of this and im like...you stupid puppet you werent even there #I know this despite being Darood bc my parents arent puppets and also my mom is Isaaq tribe #what else? oh there are other places as Somali ppl within Africa become disapora #so strange right?#there is also Puntland [based off the ancient land that is said to be Ancient Somalia--#fun fact our queen from that time named Queen Arrarwelo was said to be friends with Queen Sheba of ancient Ethiopia]

8 notes · View notes

oh-meow-swirls · 6 months ago

Text

it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-

#puppy rambles #yo-kai watch #yw3 #yw2 #idk. i have a lot of thoughts on this stuff #still upset i didn't find out 3 released in america until a while after it did :/ could've gotten a physical copy if i'd found out earlier #but alas. i'm just stuck with a boring digital version. i mean the digital versions of yo-kai watch games are better but like. still #i never got maginyan in blasters even though i could've. the code or whatever was on the receipt but my mom bought it for me #from the nintendo website. and i don't think she checked it and i don't think i found out that was where it was until a bit after i got it-#i did get machonyan and jibanyan t/komasan t's codes entered though so i can get them on any playthrough now #unless i put the sd card in another 3ds since apparently it's system-based instead of sd card based??? which is really stupid #but you can probably bypass that with cfw and i do plan on modding my 3ds eventually #it'll just be a process cuz i don't have an sd card slot on my computer and idk if my moms would be willing to help #so i'll probably have to get a separate sd card reader or whatever. which i do think my moms would be okay with i mean #it's my system and they're cool with piracy lfskdjfjkfsdkljfd-#my moms are so cool <3 i just wish i could get them interested in yo-kai watch but they don't seem to care lfskdjfkjsfdjlksfd-#they determined the battle system doesn't sound fun but i might've just described it badly #i mean tbf. it is very annoying sometimes. especially when my healer just will not heal the other yo-kai #''DO YOUR FUCKING JOB TATTLECAST STOP LOAFING'' -me playing 2 #that being said if 1's switch port ever releases in america i am totally playing it on the tv #i WILL force my moms to watch me play funni ghost game whether they like it or not /lh #if we do ever get 1's switch port i hope they make it a collection of some kind with 2 and 3 remasters too i would buy that in a heartbeat #i mean obviously i will buy any american-released yo-kai watch stuff in a heartbeat aside from maaaaaybe y-school heroes #(i'm sorry y-school heroes fans i just cannot get into it. from concept alone it sounds like i would not enjoy it)#maybe sangokushi too if we ever get that but i feel like we probably won't #idk if the franchise it's a crossover with is popular enough in america for that #i hope we get more english yo-kai watch content once ghost craft releases. kinda feel like it's testing the waters tbh #i know it's seemingly just a spiritual successor but still #i do hope that it being a spiritual successor doesn't mean yo-kai watch is over. i doubt that it will since like #punipuni still gets semi-frequent updates

10 notes · View notes

br1ghtestlight · 7 months ago

Text

a worse show would make zeke and chelsea love interests bcuz theyre both kinda tough kids and get into trouble a lot at school. but i have faith bobs burgers would not do that to us

#or zeke and tammy and then jocelyn and jimmy jr #jocelyn and jimmy jr are LITERALLY siblings so them being in a romantic relationship would be so funny actually. genuinely cant imagine it #tammy did have interest in zeke when she first appeared but im guessing that kinda went away when she uhhhh met him?#jimmy jr and jocelyn definitely have the vibe of childhood friends who have known each other since they were babies #bcuz their mom's were friends and went to the same playgroup but they would find it so weird to be in a relationship #like..... thats basically my twin sister wtf #txt #bob's burgers

8 notes · View notes

listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 2 years ago

Text

pls reblog

#polls #hyperspecific poll #kai rambles #personal #doing this i realised how much if my weird experiences were either too depressing or violent to put as an option #or would need a lot more words to explain #i decided to skip out on ''had a local drug dealer try to groom you into being a mule''#i find it funny because he tried it while my mom was in the room?#but im aware its a sensitive topic #i also did not know how to casually word the times my dad would randomly drive us to like some ruins in the english countryside #and like say ill be back in an hour #and then leave us there #because what the fuck even was that?#also how to explain that my maternal uncle and maternal grandad were in opposing local gangs that folded before i was born #but like in an alternate universe id probably be raised in a gang?#and also anything about my aunt meryl i dont know how to phrase any of that in limited words because she is just the most bizzare lady #i maybe could get the neck brace thing in where she accused me and my mom of stealing her neckbrace and handcream #and told us to never speak to her until we were ready to admit it except we didnt take it #and its probably coming up to a decade now

85 notes · View notes

todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago

Note

no cuz fr the most unexplainable thing would be how they didn’t reunite sooner like,,, Mine could have been staying away because he wansnt good enough for daigo (in his mind) but still i don’t think he’d stay THAT far away 💀 at most bro is down the street at any given time 😭

reviews are in for Mine Isn't Dead Actually But He Is Emo So

#snap chats #crying at the thoght of mine and daigo reuniting at the grocery #like yk when you go with your mom and she bumps into an old friend and now youre stuck in a five minute cutscene #yeah that. but your Old Friend was your one true love who you thought killed himself #and now you find out he's just working at the bar around the bend 💀💀💀#stop whyd i remind myself of that tiktok where dudes in a coat rack and is like 'dad is this where youve been all this time'#same shit mine's booking it. hes too embarrassed too ashamed #itd be so funny if every 'dead' character did just get kidnapped by the daidoji #thats the funniest shit to come out of gaiden The Daidoji just being an excuse to bring dead bitches back #not that im complaining its 1000% hilarious as hell vjaLKAEKLJ #gonna see kiryu at the daidoji HQ and act like they dont know each ther #a-fucking-pparently since kiryu doesnt even have a memory of mine in y8 💀💀💀#genuinely hilarious how thats so ... like no i dont think ill remember the man who tried to usurp my son who he was in love with #and he destroyed my orphanage before killnig himself right in front of me. and my son. not worth remembering at all #at least the vocational school quizzes remember mine 💀💀

16 notes · View notes

sugaroto · 9 months ago

Text

You know.

At school I had a game with my friend

I would write down names of characters from different media (TV shows, books etc) that she hadn't watched and she would match them

Usually I put the girls and the boys on each side of the page (non binary characters were either at the top or bottom)

And then she drew lines and made ships

Now the thing is. She hardly ever got canon ships right

Her worst cases were close to pedophilia and incest

So at some point she gave up trying to get them right and was more happy when she was creating monstrosities cause it was funny

And I think, the writers of Elite are playing the very same game

They started by making fun ships "hoho look at these characters they look good together" then they messed up "hehe these 2 are awful" and then they went bullshit and thought "YEAH MAKE THE MOM KISS HER SON MUAHAHA"

And yeah. I don't think you should make canon ships of the matching game me and my friend played in class yknow Mr elite writes

#the point of the game was to laugh at funny ships consider the interesting and freak at her monstrosities #and then when she watched/read the show/book we'd go back like hey look the shit you shipped #my fave was when we did it with aftg and i didn't remember Mary's name so i wrote her as mom #and she was in her evil era so she tried to find who was her kid #she didn't #but she matched 'mom' (aka Mary) with 'Andrew' And it was HILARIOUS cause andrew is LITERARY the most parentless person in the trilogy #and look i understand ivan and karmen were on drugs and ivan doesn't know karmen is his mom and cause shes on drugs she mistook him for his #dead dad but who thought that having them to make out was a good scene thank god she woke up and realized and fucking left soon enough #as if almost fucking his sister wasn't enough he gotta fuck his mom too. is that the only reason they keep him bisexual? to have him fuck #boys cause it sells and have this whole drama with his mom and sis???#also like. literally 3 seconds ago she had the best chance to tell him i am your mother #he almost figured it out #and shes like haha no oh you want drugs yeah sure lets go #elite

9 notes · View notes

shirogane-oushirou · 22 days ago

Text

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch #on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or #old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing #and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me #even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me #housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong #(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display #outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in #some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt #my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's #only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then #disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -

6 notes · View notes

britneyshakespeare · 7 months ago

Text

Man is saying weird things to me again

#help mom he's oversharing about drinking scotch every evening #that's very on brand for Man #tales from diana #i literally did Nothing to reach out to him i don't know what he wants #i was just thinking in the shower literally not even half an hour ago about how you know it's strange #he used to always have this way of talking to me like he was trying to impress me which is just kinda silly honestly #like i was a 20-21-year-old in awe of him and he was a retired male model eight years older than me w more life experience #and some rather exotic and interesting experiences at that #i think he somewhat envies that i seem (at least to him) like a self-possessed 'intellectual'#thats how he talks to me at least. it's funny tho #not that im not. like. smart. i think the both of us know i'm better-read than he'll be in 3 lifetimes #and i'm not quite self-possessed but i certainly don't have the open-wounded insecurity he does #while also being rather more confident than most ppl in some areas (and it's not ALL unearned)#he's got much more ambition than i do though. more ambition than i'll have in 10 lifetimes #and he seems to do everything with a motivation of external validation and approval.#so i think he has a chip on his shoulder. poor little Man #the two of us could not be more opposite. but i don't really strive to be like him in the ways he strives to be like me #he chases this dream of what he thinks the perfect man is and it's quite inhuman so of course he falls short.#i on the other hand am if anything much TOO accepting of my own faults and shortcomings. ahem #these are all things i will never say to Man. he's too silly to hear it #besides. im rather sure he likes me (? in some way) and i am these days just very ambivalent to him #i can't NOT say i find him attractive bc i do but he's just. sooooo not the one lol #he's a fascinating creature all flaws aside but i never find myself studying him at my own volition #Man just comes outta the woods sometimes to tell me about his travels or women or whiskey. he's odd #he's very eccentric but between the two of us i think i'm the better eccentric. no wonder he visits me sometimes #but he brings gifts and prayers like he's coming to a devotional shrine or something. i'm like sir this is not a temple #he'll never be normal but he is so strange in the ways i'm too good for. if i do say so myself #(and that's saying something bc i'm not too good for ANYTHING)

5 notes · View notes

miaowmelodie · 10 months ago

Text

My sperm donor 4-5 years ago : You don't have ADCDDH KFC or whatever the fuck they're trying to put in your dumb naive brain, you're just too damn lazy to even bother trying to concentrate!

Me last Monday : Morning professor I'm ready for my exam and no matter how hard I try I'll keep changing the argument to talk about ants even tho I practiced like hell with my mom to not do that even tho I literally brought 2 PowerPoints just to be sure to stay on the subject at hand!

That said, since I will fail miserably at staying on track, I will use said ants to prove you wrong about a "few" things and drift the argument to the point where I'll end up explaining why the french revolution couldn't end in any other way than with monarchy part 2 just to prove my point about ants and you will be so taken by the conversation that you'll end up giving me 29/30 anyways. Sounds fair?

9 notes · View notes